"FRIENDS" YOU WANT TO KILL SAY THINGS LIKE....

It's so embarrassing, my girlfriend comes so loud she wakes everybody in the dorm.

It's a nightmare having your own tennis court -- people keep inviting themselves over.

You have no idea how fucking temperamental a Ferrari is.

This is the last time I get a sports jacket at Gucci.

My four years at Harvard were a total waste.

I'm so depressed -- my accountant just told me I owe the federal government $285,000 in taxes.

It sucks being 6' 4" -- you're always banging your head on something.

Went out with Miss Sweden last night -- all she wanted to do was fuck -- no intellectual stimulation whatsoever.

Shot a lousy 76 today -- I tell you if things don't turn around, I'm quitting this stupid game.

If I can't find a brand of underpants that don't strangle me, I'm going to kill myself.